Humiliated, Anxious, Excited
Talk about mixed emotions! This morning I woke to an awesome workout I did at home. Tomorrow I start the gym again and I just tried to get my body in the kick of things. I had fun with my ball but had a hard time balancing on it. I was shaking while doing my crunches but it just meant that more of my body was doing work as well so I kind of appreciated it.
Towards the end of the night hubby and I got into a not so good conversation about my goals. I thought it would be a good idea to let it out and tell him how I feel. I figured if he knew how badly I wanted this, he would offer me some more emotional support and be more positive about my weight loss. It didn’t turn out that way. Instead, in the middle of a very busy store… He says to me loudly “You don’t need to lose weight, you need to see a therapist”. Ha-ha. Okay, so at this point every one turns their head and all eyes are on me. Humiliation!!!
I’m not comfortable in my own skin right now. I don’t think I have a self esteem issue because the only reason I don’t like the way I look now is due to the fact that I AM overweight and out of shape. When I hit my goal last year I felt better than ever, conceited is a better way to describe how I felt about myself. Now, I cringe. I know I’m not obese, hubby was trying to say that I saw myself that way and I don’t. I know what I look like, my vision isn’t impaired. I’m chunky, plump…but regardless its just a way of saying slightly overweight, which is still OVERWEIGHT! Granted, I know there are lots of people who wish they had my body. The problem is that I don’t like what I see in the mirror. I can’t even go clothes shopping without getting depressed. I gained weight. I’m not where I want to be, I’m not where I belong. How do I explain this to him? I’ve tried so many times… Our relationship even went sour when I DID hit my goal weight last time, all I can hope for is that it doesnt happen again.
Tomorrow is making me anxious. I’m heading back to the college to see once again, about my fafsa. They said 3 weeks, I gave it four. Wanna know what their excuse will be this time. It’ll be my third time going back because they keep giving me the run around :(.
I’m also going back to the gym which has me really excited. I’m gonna take it slow. I hate falling off the gym wagon. I hate falling off of any wagon lolz. Well, I can’t wait to wear my new running sneaks. I’m already packed and ready to go…. Oh, I also go tanning! (I know, I know… So bad for me but I do it moderately if it counts for anything)
I know its Monday and its every ones not so favorite day of the week but its one day closer to reaching your goals so try and be positive about it. Play hard buddies!! Wish me luck for tomorrow!! Hugs to all of you!!!
Have a great week girl! I think sometimes when people (like us here) are changing their lifestyle in order to get more fit, the people around them can misunderstand the focus or maybe get irritated by the time and effort it takes us to do what we are doing. It is frustrating on both ends and I also wish it were not that way. You will get back there—maybe quit calling yourself names?!?!?!?!?!? Take care of you and have a great week! Good luck with your FAFSA conversation===let me know if I need to hop a plane and bail your ass out …
Hopefully hubby will come around soon. You gotta take time to put yourself first otherwise you diminish the quality of what you have to give to others. You are doing a great job! It’s funny how something like new kicks can get you motivated! If I feel my motivation lagging I’ll get myself some new workout duds - then I can’t wait to go try ‘em out.
Good Luck next week!
After this conversation it sounds like maybe your hubby prefers the plumper you. Have you asked him?
Or it just could be that he is afraid if you are thin and “HOT” other guys will want you and you will chose them over him.
Mens ego are fragile and they seem to rarly tells us how and what they really want.
Try to find out. BUT more importantly, YOU have to feel comfortable in your own skin. You may just have to take this one on by yourself.
Have fun at the gym!!
Hi - Im glad u told him. Truth is , media and all, our minds - we all need to see a therapist, and so does the therapist. Much of the world - western world is hungup on weight, weight, money = its life. Ur hubby is just tired of it… dont worry, u need to do what u need to do. I kno how u feel, overweight is overweight it needs to go - work on it u will get there.x
Sounds like hubby was just being an ass. They get that way sometimes.
I do think what these ladies have written in is right on the money so you just keep going ok.
Men!
I just went and checked out your pictures (when you were at 125) and I definitely see what you mean! It’s not that you look *bad* right now, but if you CAN look like *that* (awesome!) then why not go for it??
It’s your body, your the one that needs to be comfortable in it 24/7…. I know you value his opinion, but on this one subject, his is not the one that matters.
My boyfriend tells me I don’t need to lose weight, and I agree with you, I don’t see myself as obese but I know I can be a lot better. I want to be the best, not just settle for “okay”.
How did the FASFA issue work out today Mel?
I do know where you are coming from. Your hubby and my Rod is the same way. He even tried to call me skinny - not in my eyes!
I still look at pictures and see what others don’t see. It doesn’t always go away does it?
Well, I think you are one beautiful vixen!
All that matters in this life, is truly being happy….I know what its like to look in the mirror and not like what you see….Maybe remind hubby that your are not doing this for anyone but yourself, so YOU can be happy. My hubby used to think I wanted to loose the weight so I could get someone ‘better’….Men they just dont understand us chics sometimes lol.
I believe in you girl, you know what you want, you know how to get it, dont let anything or anyone stand in the way of your dreams.
Be Happy Always, you are beautiful!
Peace,
Leah♥
(((((((((Mel))))))))) you do this for you, your health and make yourself happy, no matter what he thinks.