msweightloss

I went to the mall earlier on this morning. Did it mainly for the walk… I bought a shirt, a hooded sweater and some undies(no, females cannot go shopping without buying underwear!!!). Afterwards me and the bf fought all day long via telephone and text message. He finally ended up showing up at my front door in the late evening, around sevenish. Not one word between us. He just sat there. After about 2 hours of our silence, he said he was hungry… Oh, boy… Here comes the mess up. I make him some grilled cheese and before I knew it, I had made myself 2 as well. This after I had already hit my caloric quota for the day. What can I say? So I then realize that my food shopping had to get done,and with nothing else to do, we headed to the supermarket. I did my shopping, avoiding all things that are a trigger to me. :). Then, I get home. Poop all over my floor’s and area rug. Not the hard kind either… I’m talking watery, slimey poop!!!(sorry) I flipped out. I yelled, I cried… I got hungry. This happened all within the past half hour. So here I am, thinking… I will not eat anything… No,no,no!!!

Okay, relax, breathe…. I go to charge my cell phone. Its not taking charge…Why? I check the outlet, looks fine. I then run my fingers through the wire to realize that it had been chewed up like a piece of meat. All I can do at this point is laugh it off. What a freakin’ day.

Although I am not to proud of my mess up earlier, I didn’t continue onward with the overeatting when I got home…and that was the real test. I am extremely tired. Exhausted. Time for me to call it a night, and let the day’s frustrations come to an end. I know that eatting right now is not the right decision…After all, I did join a team… I owe it to them not to screw up.

So guys, those of you who get a chance to read this, Hope you have a wonderful night/Day….If not…youll regret it… So take things one step at a time… stay focused and never ever put your gaurd down when it comes down to your health and goals….

Summer of 08… It was the first summer I actually felt comfortable in a two piece bikini. It’s the first time I walked on the beach without the towel wrapped around me, hiding everything. No, I am not perfect, I have streach marks and cellulite, but I wasn’t ashamed. I felt more confident than ever before. It was my rebirth.

The fall is on it’s way. Today it showed. The breeze felt so good, but it’s time to pull out the sweaters. My birthday is next month, 22. Scary. They say “spring cleaning” but I noticed that when the fall hit’s, thats usually when I start to analyze things a little bit more than ever. Almost as if the cool breeze is a reminder of how quickly time passes by.

As I walked in the park yesterday, I brought some bread with me as I always do, only to find that the birds have started to head out already. No ducks, and the seagulls where gathering up their crew far ahead in the river. The day turned dark too fast. I noticed the squirels starting to round up branches and I got this queezy feeling inside. Like a nervous feeling, exept I couldn’t quite pin point the emotion.

My favorite holiday is coming up too… Halloween!!! Yes, I’m still a child at heart, I love looking for a costume and trying to outdo other’s… The makeup, the kids… Its fun… :))

I get really emotional during this time…but I cannot wait until the winter hits. It’s my favorite season. The snow is beautiful and no matter how cold it is, I always find myself wanting to be outside. I just love to bundle up, scarf and gloves, hat and boots. There is nothing like sleeping in those flannel sheets… or those fleece pijamas…

I guess since I’m so in sync with nature, every season makes me emotional. I have been told that I am highly over analytical… So when change comes, it hits me hard. I have to sometimes sit at the park and just watch while the seasons change.

I hope that I don’t mess up my weight loss this winter… I mean, the weight loss happened during last winter season, but people tend to get thrown off by the fact that if you gain weight, it wont show. I can only take things one day at a time, and keep reminding myself that another summer is on it’s way.

My goals this colder season are as follows: Find another job… Get into college/Trade school….. Keep the weight off, become more fit….. Become a full pledged Vegetarian(my new years resolution)…and quit smoking(ugh, that one fails every year… :(…)

Yes, I love beans! Unfortunately, I share almost everything I eat with my dogs, who now have the ultimate gas!!! Ugh, my room smells like a garbage truck!! lol.. I walked at the park with my b.f. today for an hour! Thankful to get him to do something, I created a challenge for him not to eat any dougnuts until Sunday @ his job… That will be his reward for passing them up the entire week… So it’s been 2 days, and hes doing good so far

I hope that the 2 pounds gained from yesterday will be gone by tomorrow morning. Today’s dinner was pretty filling. White rice, roasted chicken and red beans. I kind of over did it because I skipped lunch(accidentally) and was extremely hungry by the time it hit 5pm.  I want to do some work outs… everyone has me so motivated… Keep asking me about my abs, making me actually want to work on them!!! lol

Tomorrow I will weigh in yet again. I know I said I would only reveal my weigh ins once a week, but I’m trying to figure out whether or not the weight gain was official or not…

GlAd To OfFiCIaLlY be a newbie………

This is going to be hard to admit…. but here goes… Today, I thought I’d have dinner at a pizzeria. Didn’t really feel like cooking and had to run major erands… So, my bf took my to a pizzeria that him and his friends from work go to. Turns out, the slices are the size of 5 slices put together… I tell no lies, 5 slices! I looked at it and ended up eatting the whole thing. Bad, bad girl. Hurt me so bad I ended up conking out on my bf’s sofa for 3 hours. Only to wake up hungry again and going to the deli for a sandwich…  When I got home, bad heart burn, I mean bad! Pain was unbelievable. Bread usually helps so I made two slices of toast. I didn’t even calculate calories today because I know I messed up.

Anyhow, not gonna let it bring me down. Tomorrow is a new day, like I said to myself last time, one day at a time… thats what it takes…

I just hope I dont lose my white star:( He’s so cute there right below my ticker…

I’m also happy to be a part of the ROCKSTARS!! Official!!! Whoooohooo!!!(happy dance) Feels really good to be a part of a support group… Cool beans, no if I can just find the time to keep u pand to learn how to work it, I’ll be straight…lol

Anyway guys, hope ur day was great, Hope u have an even better next one…

Wish I could go through blogs but its 2:40 am here so my booty has to hit the sack!!!

New day tomorrow, and 1200 calories it shall be!! No ifs, ands or buts about it!

Okay, it’s been a long time since my last weigh in… This morning, the scale weighed me in at 125!!! Yeah baby!!! I did the happy dance all the way to the kitchen. Made my coffee, and did amazing on my diet today. I also didn’t touch an ounce of meat!! I’m not vegetarian, but I am hoping to be fully pledged by January… right now its only fish, chicken and turkey.

So like I said I am at 125 today… Whoa, did it take a while to get here from 130… losing and gaining, all thanks to my binge eatting… took about 2 months. Incredible. It feels so good to be down to my weight loss mini goal!!! Oh, so happy… You cannot believe the fireworks going on in my tummy… l0l.

Right now I am craving some popcorn but am not going to eat any… I did good on the calories today, in at 1300. A little bit over but nothing to complain about…. I will make it to my goal.. Only 5 more pounds to lose!!! OMG! How the hell did this happen? How did I go from eatting what I used to eat to not touching it now…. Or how about my size 14 jeans that hugged me so tight to size 7’s that are getting baggy on me???

I will tell you guys who need to hear this, like I tell my boyfriend everyday…. If you really want this… and you should…. then it is so close, you can touch it… All you have to do is make it happen, something only you can do… So do it!!!

Have a great week guys!!! Hope you stay away from the cookie jar and and enjoy the hell out of those fruits and veggies!!!

~~~With all my love, I wish you luck~~~~

Well, yet another wonderful day as far as my calories today. Didn’t binge and no going over my caloric intake goal. I am however breaking my “no eatting after 8pm” rule… But it is so innocent it should be rewarded. I could go and eat something I am really craving, instead… A cup of Broccoli is all I am eatting tonight. So although I am breaking my own rules, I still am able to pat myself on the back and say “Good job”. I also had a peach as a desert with my turkey sandwich(no cheese!!!).

As far as the rest of the day goes, the rain kept my BF and I in today. Didn’t get much activity in except for when I got home. I felt bad about sleeping the entire day, so I put on the radio and danced to some songs… really does justice on my abs. I should start doing that everyday, not just on days when I feel guilty about not walking.

Aside from the stress I am having about the whole job situation, I am feeling pretty good and trying to keep myself as occupied as possible. One of the things that kept me from over eatting today was my new project, a scrapt book. I almost forgot to eat lunch today because I was too busy working on it. So my BsBuddies, There you go, a great way to abstain from the fridge… Yours can be about anything…even your weight loss. You can include pictures that keep you motivated…pictures or adds that tempt you, as a reminder not to give in to it… What ever… The sole purpose is to keep you busy when you are home… Heres a list of what you will need:

A scrap book or album(that holds 8×10’s), Siccors, glue, pictures, markers(or color pencils) and some construction paper(if the book doesnt have color paper). All except the scrap book can be found at most 99 cent stores….

As always,  Good luck on reaching your goals… be focused and determined and you will achieve what it is you need to…and dont forget to eat your F & V(fruits and Veggies).

Nothing is more helpful when trying to lose weight…. NOTHING!!! Except Buddy Slim, of course…lol.

So far I’ve went on 3 job interview this week. It’s Friday, no one has called yet. What do I have to look forward to? Monday… I applied to Foodstamps… they did not approve me due to the fact that I am under 22 so they need me to apply with my mother, who suffers from disability and cannot travel… Thank God I’m 22 next month. What am I going to do till then? Stick it out.

As for today, So far I’ve done good… Eatting really well…

Breakfast was an english muffin(fiber one brand), egg white, half a slice of fat free cheese and 2 slices of turkey, breakfasts total cals (drum roll please) 185 calories. I waited about 2 hours and had a banana(shared with my 2 dogs, they love it!) that was about 120 calories.

Lunch today was sliced plantain, fried with “I cant believe its not butter” spray, 1 slice of “fiber one” bread(you can see I love fiber and carbs!!!), and 2 veggie chicken nuggets w/cheese(fat free). Total cal’s for lunch(and another drum roll please,) is at 350.

OMG… Only 655 Cal’s all day!!! All fiber rich too!!! Go Me!!! lol

Okay, time to go figure out whats for dinner… Ttys guys!

“NO!!!” I yelled. My boyfriend looked at me like I had lost my mind. I didn’t mean to yell, yet for some strange reason I acted as though he was forcing me to go and eat a donut. The funny part? I know its wrong, I have to learn to control my temper, but it helped me. Had I said no softy, he would have persisted and it would have stressed me out. So I let it out, and it felt good. He sat there and ate his chocolate chip muffin and I smiled in delight.

I did wonderful yet again today. I munched on fruits all day and had nothing but veggies for dinner (home made mashed potatoes and broccolli). Desert was fruit (1 cup grapes). I rushed alittle to prepare and eat my food before I left my house but it was so worth the while.

Guys have a wonderful day… Its 2:30 am and I really shouldn’t be awake right now but by the time you read this it will be Friday… So HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

Friday is when you have to think about the past week and not let relaxation interfere with all your hard work towards your weight loss… So good luck and be cautious of what your body tells you….

Lose weight. Gain happiness. Detox, it IS the hardest. If anyone says anything differently, they are lying. Maintenance…. Sh*t, thats just another ball game! Its an emotional and physical rollercoaster, but there is no satisfaction like the kind you give and get from YOU. Yesterday I did great. Last night I had urges but I shifted them aside. Instead I wrote. I wrote down(on pen and paper) exactly what I was craving and how I thought I would feel if I ate it. I went over what I wrote. Still I craved. I did not, however, eat anything. I went to sleep early. It felt so good to be in control.

This morning, I woke up hungry. I stepped on the scale, saw a drop(not telling till sunday).I made coffee and thought about my meals for today. Outweighing what would do me more justice for breakfast. I ate breakfast about a half hour later, and was full on practically nothing. This is my reward. Satisfaction. Not feeling guilty to be satisfied. What a feeling.

I realized that there are triggers to my binging… but they are not sudden or motivated. It is simply cause and effect… Here is what happens; It starts one night, binge. My stomach streaches out so much that it hurts. I go to sleep. I wake up, eat a small breakfast and feel guilty for doing what I done the night before… This causes me to eat something else.. and something else… Then I say no more, but I’m starving, not full(cause’ my stomach is streached from the night before and that morning). So I say to myself, oh, screw it Ill jump back on tomorrow. I screw up again and it becomes a vicious cycle. I made a mistake saying that eatting at night was okay. Its not, but its on an emotional level. Eatting at night doesn’t cause the storage of fat. It just screws with your mental and hunger controling ability.

Some of my most important lessons learned are listed below;

*No eatting as soon as you wake up, give your body time to realize it is awake, and drinking water or coffee helps to fill you up before you eat.*

*Eatting at night is horrible, even if you went too below your caloric intake goal…It is just not worth it. Instead, write down how you could add more calories in the next day, or just write down your feelings.*

*Eat fruits alone, on an empty stomach as a snack or meal replacement. When you eat them on a full stomach it is harder for the nutrients to digest and you arent really as satisfied.*

*Don’t talk too much about your weight if you are really close to your goal… you will become unmotivated by those who say things like “you dont have to lose any more weight, your fine, one donut isn’t going to hurt.”, it starts with a donut and ends in mcdonalds cookies, baskin robins, chips and cereal. Instead, if you have to, tell them you already ate alot this morning and are extremely full and not feeling too well.*

*Do not buy junk at the super market intending you will “only eat one everyday”. There is no way of knowing when you will fall off track. You might come home one day and eat a weeks worth.*

*Take a minute to look at yourself in the mirror when you get home, appreciate your successes and go over what made you want that sexy body you see in the mirror(yes, sexy!! Even with the streach marks!!!). Go over how hard you tried. Then you can go in the kitchen. Do the same every morning while drinking your coffee/tea/water.*

~~~These are things that have helped me stop binging..~~ My commandments to myself. It has been three days since my last binge, but that is a hell of a long time compared to a month and a half of emotional and binge eatting… One day at a time is the number one step to success, you have to take it slowly… Every goal requires baby steps.

Then why the hell are you so sad?”. Music is a huge motivation to me. So exuse me for titling my most recent posts as song titles… but it is something to think about before reaching for the brownie, ice cream, chips or whatever you binge on. Another one of my favorite motivating songs that makes me feel better “Even the best fall down sometimes”. sort of like my way of communicating with my inner being. Anyway…..

I have been doing great today!!! Yay for me!!!

No binging!!! So far.. but I’m not headed in that direction. I know where it is that I am going and I plan on staying on this road today(and everyday, but only one day at a time).

Breakfast was 2 english muffins(fiber one), lunch was baked potato and veggie patch chicken nuggets(soy based). So yummy!!!

I just gotta shake it off (yes, mariah carey)… Dedicated to my fat and nasty eatting habits..